So last night as Kass said, I attempted to do my own shot. Unfortunately, it did not happen, so after about 12 minutes or so, Kass came to the rescue. Shot number five was then and only then a success.
Today I feel a little over and underwhelmed, as well as a bit emotional.
I’m not sure if I’m just having a totally unrelated moody day or if it has to do with my hormones. Normally I would be getting my period anywhere between now and roughly the next five days. I’m going to assume I am getting it seeing as this is only day 30 on T, but my period is already so light and short that I wouldn’t really be surprised if it was already gone. Besides feeling low today, I have not had any other symptoms, so I guess we will just be surprised.
I’m also feeling a little stressed out over my parents. I have not spoken to them in about 6 months. The last time we spoke they refused to come to our wedding. I knew at that time that I was going to be transitioning, but I was still in therapy and had not gotten my T letter yet. My therapist told me not to rush it and that we would work on telling them. Well when they refused I just couldn’t do it any more. They always treated Kass like crap and in hopes that they would come around I didn’t really call them in it. They also have made it very clear throughout my life that they refuse to see me as the person I am. My mother always made it very clear that she would not come to the wedding, but my dad promised he would about two years prior to our actual date. When I told him we were finally getting married and he told me that he would not be there, I could no handle it any more. I have refused to speak with them and they have more or less refused to speak with me. My dad did send a nasty letter in August, I think he was a little butt hurt I ignored his birthday, and he sent a text on my birthday and then my mom sent a birthday card from them. I’ve ignored everything, I just can’t do it any more.
Now I have decided to send them a video. That way they can see me, they know that it is coming from me, and I can lay everything out.
From this I am expecting a backlash. They will not take it laying down, nor I’m sure will there be pleasantries.
I have been attempting to plan out and record the video for about 2 weeks now but I just have not been able to bring myself to do it. It feels like too much sadness to force myself to do it.
One other thing I’m having a hard time with is switching back and fourth between my ‘old’ identity and my ‘new’ identity. At home and out I am male and Weston. At work I am female and have to legally go by my given name until I change it. It becomes a bit of a mindfuck for me because I feel like I don’t know who I am.
I am also concerned about restroom usage at work. Well really everywhere, but at work many people know me. There is one unisex restroom on each floor but they are prime for pooping alone, so many times when I try to use it I have to instead go to the women’s anyways. This causes me great concern when I begin passing. What will they allow me to do? How will I discuss this with them? What are my bathroom rights?