Doin It By My Self

Tonight I gave myself my first self administered T shot!
Full disclosure, I had to use the tiny insulin needle to get the courage. But you know what, it doesn’t matter!
It only took me 16 weeks and Kass being too sick to want to do it for me to finally get the courage. And I am damn stoked.
Also, I’m kind of happy because the last three or four weeks we’ve been doing it I’ve been bleeding quite a bit. A friend of mine on Facebook said that his last shot he did it wouldn’t stop bleeding. He called his doctor because he was worried. There was noting when he aspirated, but when he pulled out it just gushed. His doctor said that it was ok, but that he knocked or went through a vein. He told him he would be fine, but that his body would metabolize it much faster and that he would experience sweats and “roid-rage.”
This made me feel a bit happy. I have been crazed lately. My road rage is back, I want to pick fights with people, I argue with my customers at work, Kass and I have been fighting because I’ve been acting like a dick and I’ve been sweating like the fuckin pig.
I’m glad to know why.
I’ve been a little worried that this was the ‘new’ me.
I didn’t bleed even a teeny tiny bit tonight so I’m really hoping that I will cool down a little bit.

Wes.

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They build buildings.

Aside

So this is week 6, shot 7. I still am not able to give myself my own shot. I watched an entire movie today, Toolbox Murders (good B horror film with Angela Bettis, the woman who played May), in hopes that I would be able to distract myself long enough to give myself my shot. I even laid on my side with the syringe in my hand hoping that it would just:

ooop… slip right into my thigh.

It did not.

So when Kass got home from work she administered the shot. Thank the universe for her.

I had a pretty bad migraine earlier this week. I had to leave work early on Monday because it was just so bad. I hope I’m just a little under the weather and it isn’t the T bringing them back. I used to be on medication for them, but it effected my word recall, which effected my job. When I stopped taking it, they were just magically gone. Now I generally only get them during that special time of the month.

Saturday I get my blood drawn to check all of levels for the first time. Tuesday I have an appointment for my finger. I jammed it on Halloween. We thought I broke it, but x-rays said no. It still causes me a lot of pain and I cant use it all the way. And it looks funny. Like the side of it has this weird thing sticking out. So I’m going to an orthopedic hand specialist. And Kass has to get an MRI or CT (I forget which is which) on her leg Tuesday as well. And then the next Tuesday, the 17th I got back to my endocrinologist. Fingers crossed she is going to up my dosage because I have not seen any changes at all.

Well, except one.

Or two.

First one is hot flashes. I so warm all the time now, which is a really nice change from being cold all the time.

Except in the middle of the night when I wake up and the mattress is so hot from my body it feels like it is giving my skin second degree burns.

Then it’s not so awesome.

And then there’s my libido.

That is a whole other story.

It’s not like it was ever dormant before. It has always been a very active thing. But now it’s almost constant. Like can’t focus on anything but my crotch constant. I haven’t noticed any changes in size or anything, and Kass took a peek the other day and said it didn’t look any different, but it feels thicker to me. Also I have noticed orgasms are way more intense and last longer.

Which is super awesome.

Oh, and I think I smell more. Like I used to not always year deodorant. But now I’ve been noticing if I don’t right out of the shower, I smell within an hour.

And I’ve been kinda crabby this week. Not sure if that’s related, but I have been.

So I guess there are a few changes.

Just not the ones I’m looking forward to…

Wes.

Shot 5

This is Kass. 

Tonight Wes attempted to give himself his 5th shot. I have been giving his shots since the first shot. Its usually a bit of dancing around in the bathroom to get him to relax because the needle is the size of a battle ship, but he has admitted that it is most times relatively painless. Tonight though there was a lot of “How are things going” and “Im doing it, sorta” going back and forth between the bathroom door. I dont have an issue with doing the shot, but I figure that since this is a lifetime thing he should get used to doing it himself, just in case for some reason Im unavailable. 

Wes: I cant make myself do it, my hand is just hovering above my thigh. My muscles literally will not move. 

Me: You need to put enough pressure behind it to break the skin

Wes: I just dont know how much that is…

Me: Do you want to practice on an orange or a banana?

Wes: We dont have either…

Me: How about a hotdog bun?

Wes: I just cant make myself do it…

Me: Ok, I’ll be in there to help.

Wes: No! Im going to do it!

Me: Did you do it?

Wes: No. 

Me: Ok, I will come help. 

Next week we will try again.