They build buildings.

Aside

So this is week 6, shot 7. I still am not able to give myself my own shot. I watched an entire movie today, Toolbox Murders (good B horror film with Angela Bettis, the woman who played May), in hopes that I would be able to distract myself long enough to give myself my shot. I even laid on my side with the syringe in my hand hoping that it would just:

ooop… slip right into my thigh.

It did not.

So when Kass got home from work she administered the shot. Thank the universe for her.

I had a pretty bad migraine earlier this week. I had to leave work early on Monday because it was just so bad. I hope I’m just a little under the weather and it isn’t the T bringing them back. I used to be on medication for them, but it effected my word recall, which effected my job. When I stopped taking it, they were just magically gone. Now I generally only get them during that special time of the month.

Saturday I get my blood drawn to check all of levels for the first time. Tuesday I have an appointment for my finger. I jammed it on Halloween. We thought I broke it, but x-rays said no. It still causes me a lot of pain and I cant use it all the way. And it looks funny. Like the side of it has this weird thing sticking out. So I’m going to an orthopedic hand specialist. And Kass has to get an MRI or CT (I forget which is which) on her leg Tuesday as well. And then the next Tuesday, the 17th I got back to my endocrinologist. Fingers crossed she is going to up my dosage because I have not seen any changes at all.

Well, except one.

Or two.

First one is hot flashes. I so warm all the time now, which is a really nice change from being cold all the time.

Except in the middle of the night when I wake up and the mattress is so hot from my body it feels like it is giving my skin second degree burns.

Then it’s not so awesome.

And then there’s my libido.

That is a whole other story.

It’s not like it was ever dormant before. It has always been a very active thing. But now it’s almost constant. Like can’t focus on anything but my crotch constant. I haven’t noticed any changes in size or anything, and Kass took a peek the other day and said it didn’t look any different, but it feels thicker to me. Also I have noticed orgasms are way more intense and last longer.

Which is super awesome.

Oh, and I think I smell more. Like I used to not always year deodorant. But now I’ve been noticing if I don’t right out of the shower, I smell within an hour.

And I’ve been kinda crabby this week. Not sure if that’s related, but I have been.

So I guess there are a few changes.

Just not the ones I’m looking forward to…

Wes.

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Thanksgiving, homework, shopping, work party.

Aside

Another packed week has gone by and begun for us. We are both finishing up our respective semesters and instead of enjoying our days off or the holiday, we have both been cramming in homework. Kass has taken a quick hiatus from the blog, only because she can’t keep up with posting and all of the reading she has to do and the papers she has to write.

Starting from the beginning of last week, I still cannot get the nerve to give myself my own shot. The thought of stabbing myself in the leg literally makes my muscles freeze.

Can’t.

Do.

It.

So, yet again Kass came to the rescue. She made me hold the needle, but she actually did it. I jumped and the needle stabbed all around in my thigh. It was actually kinda gross. Surprisingly enough there was zero blood. Any other time, quick in, quick out in a straight line and I bleed all over. What is up with my thigh?

Then for Thanksgiving, we spent the day at home together. We were supposed to go over to Kass’ dad’s and spend it with him, which would have been their first Thanksgiving together in about ten years. Short of the long, Kass’ dad is a chronic alcoholic. He called us last Saturday asking us for help because he had been drinking. He told us that he wanted to go to rehab. So we drove the forty-five minutes to go get him, took him to the hospital so they could take him to detox so we could then get the ball rolling to get him into rehab. After he got out of detox he pretty much wont answer any phone calls or texts. So he, as Kass put it, chose to sit home alone and pout on Thanksgiving rather then spend it with us. So that didn’t happen, and since I am still not speaking to my parents and my family is about five hours away, we just spent it at home together.

I made biscuits and gravy for breakfast and then we had ribs, lil smokies, god damn green bean casserole, and strawberry cheese cake. We got a bunch of other food too, but quickly realized that in our excitement the night before we had gone WAY overboard for just the two of us. We then did homework and watched movies. All in all it was a great Thanksgiving.

If you don’t count all the other stuff.

But as Kass says, before she met me she was eating gas station hot dogs on Thanksgiving. And before I met her I spent it with my ex and her family, and it always turned into this drunken angry brawl.

Our simple, sweet Thanksgivings at home, just us and our little cat, are so much better.

This weekend was my work holiday party. Kass and I have really been looking forward to it. We loving things like those. We went shopping yesterday for new clothes. I got a really nice winter sweater, the JFK kind with the three buttons on the top, and a new knit bow tie. Kass got a really pretty red party dress. We went to this little boutique by our house that has really pretty and cheap jewelry. We got a lot from there for her and our bridesmaids for our wedding, so we went back to get her some new jewelry for the party. This one sales women in particular is always really excited to see us. The problem is she is always “ladies, ladies, ladies!” It’s really uncomfortable. Then she asked what we needed the jewelry for. She had gendered me so much we both just stood frozen for a second. I could tell Kass was trying to figure a way to say, “we are going to his work holiday party” but just couldn’t get it out. I just jumped in quick and answered.

The party was so much fun. It was casino themed which was a lot of fun. We love the casino. We played poker and the ponys. We hung out with some people that we know and we attempted to win prizes. I was such a wonderful evening. Kass looked just gorgeous and it was so great being able to introduce her to everyone as “my wife, Kass.” I was so proud. I love going out with her.

One thing that has been bothering me a little is how the harder I try to represent myself as a male, the more I get called miss, ma’am, ladies, etc. It seemed like on Saturday while we were shopping we were “ladies,” and “you girls.” And then our friends that we were hanging out with this evening at the party both know I am trans. One of them is actually also trans, and he doesn’t say much. The other woman couldn’t seem to get anything right. She kept going between Weston and my given name, and kept calling me she. Kass noticed it more than I did I think and was pretty bothered by it since the woman has known longer than most people.

I’m not sure how to feel about all of this. I’m not sure if we are just more sensitive to it now, though we both don’t think this is the case. Or if people are being spiteful. Or if it is totally an unconscious effort on their part and they do it simply because they have figured me out. I’m not sure of the answer, I just know it’s kind of bothersome, and I’m not quite sure how to handle it. Or if I should even bother most of the time.

Weston.